Daydreaming and obsession

Asked Questions ListCategory: RelationshipDaydreaming and obsession
Amina asked 4 years ago

Salam aleikoum
I have a big problem I met a respectful man a month ago he has the niya to marry me inshaAllah. My issue is that I can not stop thinking of him all day long and daydreaming about me being with him I know that it’s not acceptable but I can’t help and it interferes with my everyday life
I don’t do all the work I had to do because
of thoses daydreams.
Jazak Allah kheir
Amina

1 Answers
Best Answer
Molana Hafiz Muhammad Noman Zia Staff answered 4 years ago

Praise be to Allah

Firstly:

Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:  Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man.

If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).  As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).

Secondly:

Correspondence between the sexes is not permissible, because it provokes temptation and usually results in evil. If a man corresponds with a non-mahram woman (a woman whom one is permitted to marry according to Islamic law) in letters that are not seen by anyone else, that leads to many evils. Islam forbids a woman to be alone with a man who is not her mahram because of the fitnah (temptation) and bad things that result from that, such as attachment and the desire to look and touch, etc. All of this results from the man talking to the woman in these private letters or conversations, especially if they are young and at an age when desire is strong.

Shaykh Ibn Jibreen (may Allah preserve him) was asked: What is the ruling on correspondence between young men and young women, if this correspondence is free from immorality, love and desire?  He replied: It is not permissible for any person to correspond with a woman who is not his mahram, because of the temptation involved in that. The person may think that there is no temptation, but the shaytan (devil) will keep trying until he tempts him through her, and tempts her through him. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) told the one who hears of the Dajjal (known to non-Muslims as the anti-Christ) to keep away from him, and he said that a man may come to him as a believer but the Dajjal will keep trying until he tempts him and confuses him.  There is a great deal of temptation and danger in correspondence between young men and women which means that it has to be avoided, even though the questioner says that there was no love or desire involved. End quote from Fatawa al-Mar’ah, compiled by Muhammad al-Musnid, p. 96.  The woman is forbidden to speak softly to one who is not permissible for her, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):  “… be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.” [al-Ahzab 33:32]  And it is haram for a man to enjoy listening to the speech or voice of a non-mahram woman.

What we also advise you to do is:

(a)Fulfil the religious duties that are required of you and do naafil acts of worship too. (b)Regularly recite the adhkaar of the morning and the evening

(c)Seek knowledge by reading or listening

(d)Call women among your neighbors and relatives to Allah

(e)Try to have shar‘i love in your heart towards Allah and His Messenger (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) by following the commands, heeding the prohibitions, loving the religion of Allah, defending it and spreading it among people, and having natural love towards your parents and shar‘i husband.

Please remember:

If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).

We ask Allah, may He be exalted, to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make the love and compassion between you lasting and to bless you with righteous offspring,

And Allah is the source of strength.